Michael Kidnapped A Kid
by Valenka
Summary: The title really says it all. COMPLETE


Margarita mix. Michael was curious about it, sure he'd had margaritas on Earth and at The Bad Place parties but he'd never had it pre-made before and he wanted to know what all the forking fuss was. Tahani had told him several times that it was pathetic to 'buy one's drinks ready made' while Jason and Eleanor seemed pretty happy with it, Janet hadn't had any real answers for him so Michael found himself stood staring at about fifteen options of margarita mix in a 7-Eleven with a raised eyebrow.

"Why does there have to be so many choices? I want to drink not think."

He tapped his chin as he looked them all over then finally picked one up, it would do. The self service checkout turned out to be annoyingly fun, frankly they needed them down in The Bad Place, they'd torture folk for years. Good job Chidi had told him to start caring around money, silly stuff in Michael's eyes, people killed one another over it, stole it, it was usually the reason most mortals had earned a place in The Bad Place to begin with.

Michael strutted out of the 7-Eleven with a sense of success, he was getting the hang of mortals and their strange customs. People walked past him never knowing he was really a demon, not just because of his human suit but because he acted like one of them. The first time he'd been down on Earth to save Eleanor he had gotten a mass of strange looks, he could sense they knew something was off about it. None of it mattered though, that was the past and he'd learnt.

Pleased with his little trip to the store Michael wandered off through the busy parking lot with the margarita mix in hand and a pleasant smile on his face intent on going back to the hotel he and the gang had set themselves up in until they figured out their next move; although Michael rather liked the idea of going to find Eleanor's mother. He shimmied between two cars that had been parked _way_ too close together and there she was.

Michael tilted his head in puzzlement at the sight before him. There, alone, in the middle of a parking lot was a small human – _what do mortals call those? Oh yeah, right, children._ The child couldn't have been more than six and she had long brown hair in a braid over her shoulder, wore a little white dress and the biggest green eyes he'd ever seen; like polished emeralds.

"Em, hi."

The little girl looked up, those big green eyes full of tears. Michael looked around, he wasn't used to kids but he knew enough to know that there was usually an adult mortal with them.

"Can you see my Daddy?" She asked quietly as she rubbed tears away.

The demon actually glanced around for a good thirty seconds before he realised he didn't know what the girl's father looked like.

"What does he look like? What color car has he got?"

"... Daddy's not coming back."

"Oh, okay. Hope you find him."

With that Michael strutted away with his purchase... or at least he did until a tiny hand grabbed hold of his. With a raised eyebrow the demon glanced down at the child. _Is this what they do? Stick to people?_

"Where are we going?" She asked in what had to be the cutest voice he'd ever heard, it was like cotton candy for the ears.

"You can't come with me." They did a lot of running from demons and flying about, it wasn't a good idea to bring her along. However, when he looked into those watery eyes he felt how he imagined people felt about their pets. Michael sighed. "Fine. Come on."

The little girl followed along with him rather happily for a lost little girl, almost like she forgotten about the whole thing. Michael had thought he'd grow annoyed by her presence quickly but he was wrong, she was quiet, kept up with his long strides and had the most adorable way of tilting her head as she tried to read the label on his margarita mix.

"What's a marg- mar-"

"Margarita." He corrected her. "It's a drink for people who want to punish their livers or make their head hurt the next morning."

Suddenly the girl stumbled and Michael felt a tug on his arm as her little knees hit the sidewalk, before he knew it he'd knelt down to help her up; _Chidi's lessons are really paying off._

"You okay, tiny human?"

"Romilly!" She grumbled.

Frankly he was surprised she didn't cry, _children do that when the get hurt right?_

"What?"

"I'm not 'tiny human', my name is Romilly."

Michael chuckled, this little girl was damn right adorable. Carefully he helped her back onto her feet and smiled down at her with that impressive white grin of his. At first glance anyone would think him an angel... at first glance everyone _had_ thought him an angel.

"Alright, Romilly it is. I'm Michael."

When Romilly reached out for his hand once more Michael was surprised to find he didn't resist, he kind of liked holding her hand, she was soft and wasn't clammy like most human suits.

The walk back to the hotel wasn't too far, maybe five minutes, and the sun beat down on them the whole way; sweating was still a grey area for Michael since he wasn't a hundred percent sure what to do with it. Romilly seemed quite happy to go with him and Michael found he liked the girl, she wasn't fussy like most mortals he'd met.

As he pushed the hotel doors open Romilly shot her hands in the air and Michael stared at her blankly for a moment, her sudden demand of 'up' gave him a hint though and he – only a little reluctantly – picked her up. She snaked her arms around his neck and rested her head on his suit clad shoulder as though she'd known him for years. The receptionist only gave them a cursory glance as Michael, Romilly and the Margarita mix sailed by. Their rooms were all on the first floor so he decided to forgo the elevator and instead shot up the stairs two at a time, he liked his human suit's long legs.

Michael shoved open the door to his room – that he'd been forced to share with Janet because 'all the none humans together' – and set the Magarita mix down on the table, Janet was nowhere in sight but he didn't really care, he wasn't her keeper. He was just about to set the six-year old down when a thunder like knock sounded at the door, Michael pulled it open to find himself faced with Eleanor and the gang.

"Hey, demon buddy, we-" She fell silent at the sight of Romilly and everyone's eyes widened; even omniscient Janet seemed surprised.

"What is that?" Asked Chidi agasp.

Michael looked down to the small table beside the door to where the drink mix was then glanced back up to his friends with puzzlement.

"Magarita mix, I wanted to try it. Can't a demon go to the store now?"

"Ya buy that too?" Eleanor pointed at Romilly almost as though she were infected with something.

Michael seemed to realise she was in his arms then and nodded.

"Michael, where did you get that child?"

Tahani was the only one who appeared calm as Team Cockroach backed Michael up so they could enter the room; well, Jason seemed calm but that was because he had no idea what was happening as usual. Janet stayed close to Jason while Eleanor dropped down onto the demon's bed expectantly, Chidi perched on the back of the desk chair and Tahani stood with her hands on her hips with a raised eyebrow.

Michael shrugged. "I found her in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven. She seemed upset. I like her."

Chidi removed his thick glasses and rubbed at his face before he addressed Michael, the poor man looked to have already started on his internal panic of the day.

"Michael, it doesn't matter if you like her, you can't walk off with people's kids. This-" he gestured to Romilly "-is a prison sentence."

"I knew a guy once that hung around schools-" Eleanor cut him off.

"Yeah, we don't care. Michael kidnapped a kid!"

Michael frowned. "Kidnapped? No, no, no, I didn't steal her from anyone, she was just stood there. It's more like lost and found."

"Michael, dear, she's not a kitten you found in a box." Tahani reminded but the demon just shrugged.

"We need to take her to the nearest police station and tell them that Michael found her alone in a parking lot, that we don't know where her parents are and let them deal with this."

"Can I keep her, Chidi? She's quiet and doesn't cry, I like her. And hey, Zack Pizazz needed a sidekick."

"Yo, Zack Pizazz!" All eyes turned to Jason for a split second as he howled and hooted. "That dude was dope! If he'd not found me at the dock, I wouldn't have met you guys."

Janet raised a brow. "You do remember that Zack Pizazz is Michael?"

"Oh yeah."

Michael beamed at Romilly as she glanced around the room looking at each of the newcomers in turn. Chidi sighed, the poor man.

"No! You can't keep her. I don't even know where to start on how morally, ethically and legally wrong this is. It doesn't matter if you planned on taking her or not, you did take her. You, a man who is _not_ her father or any other relation just decided to take a young girl back to his hotel room. Do you hear how bad this is?"

"Well, how about this, we ask Romilly. If she wants stay with us she does." Michael looked down to the little girl but just as his mouth opened Janet piped up.

"There is a police station 1.32 miles from here, I agree with Chidi that she cannot remain here."

Michael didn't seem happy about it but he'd clearly been outvoted.

Romilly wouldn't let him put her down, not when Eleanor all but dragged Michael out his room, not when Chidi opened the front passenger door for him, not for the entire short journey. He didn't want to give Romilly back, there was something about her that he adored, she was like a kindred spirit. The only time she released him was when Michael decided to sulk in the car while the others took Romilly into the precinct. He watched her vanish up the steps, her hand in Chidi's, with a frown.

Jason kindly held the door for everyone as they entered the building and Chidi lifted Romilly into his arms much as Michael had. They all had to admit she was a rather quiet child, had hardly said a word since they'd met her.

Eleanor slammed on the bell at an annoying speed until the desk sergeant appeared with a frown, not that Eleanor cared much.

"May I help you?" Enquired the portly man with a rather disinterested expression on his face.

"Indeed you can," Began Tahani with one of her bold and classic smiles. "You see myself and my friends here found this little girl-"

"Romilly." Said Jason bit everyone ignored him.

"-in a car park of a near by store. She was alone and lost, her parents nowhere to be seen. We were hoping we could leave Romilly – did someone really name a child that – here with you so she's safe."

The desk sergeant nodded. "That's fine, you did the right thing. Hi, Sweetheart, can you tell me your name so I can find your Mommy and Daddy."

Romilly was quiet for a moment. Green eyes glanced around the room until they fell on Jason who seemed more occupied by the pen on a chain attached to the desk. Eleanor had started to grow curious about this kid, she didn't seem... normal.

"... Romilly."

The chubby man pulled a form out from a stack of papers and started to write on it. He nodded.

"That's good, angel. Romilly what?"

"Romilly Pizazz."

"Uh-huh. And what are your Mommy's and Daddy's names?" He didn't look up from his writing.

"Don't have a Mommy."

"Okay," The desk sergeant finally looked up at that, he actually looked sorry for her. "That's alright, Sweetheart, can you tell me your Daddy's-"

Suddenly the station doors burst open and Michael stormed in, he took a moment to take in the sight before him then held out his arms for Romilly.

"There you are, Romilly. I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Daddy!"

The six-year old ripped away from Chidi and rushed to Michael who instantly cradled her on his hip while the gang just stared.

"You're her father?"

Michael nodded a little awkwardly.

"Yep, that's me, Dad of the year." He nodded and tried to ignore Chidi's and Tahani's glares. "Lost her earlier at the store but here she is. I'll just take her home."

"Hang on." Said the sergeant in a deep voice, a hand outstretched. "Sweetheart, is this man your Daddy?"

Romilly nodded profusely as she clung to Michael's shoulders. "Yes."

"Sir, what's your name?"

Michael nearly blanched, he'd not thought that far ahead. He hadn't gotten any new cover names thought up. _Jack something? Jack is a cool name right? Ooh or maybe Jett._ He was ripped from his thoughts when he heard Romilly whisper quickly.

"Sir?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah. Pizazz, Zack Pizazz."

The desk sergeant shrugged and screwed up the paper he'd been writing on.

"Alright. Good enough for me." He was a busy man.

Michael scurried out of the station before anyone could tell the truth. Team Cockroach followed along behind him with nothing but glares and confusion. Romilly snuggled into Michael's chest with a smile.

"Michael, you can't keep her." Chidi groaned.

The white-haired demon huffed. "I want to keep her. There's something about Romilly that I like being around, kind of like I've met her before or she's part of the family. I know it's odd but it's a nice oddness."

"You're not the only one, dude."

Chidi took a big step forwards and desperately tried to stress to Michael what he was doing.

"Michael, this is kidnapping. I already told you, it's wrong and damnit man I though I'd taught you better than this!"

Eleanor had taken all she could, personally she'd have just thrown the kid into the station and ran. That might not have sounded like much but she'd come a long way from the days where she'd have just dropped her anywhere and claim all their troubles were over.

"How about we just ask her?" Eleanor pushed Chidi out of her way and looked directly at the kid. "Where did your Dad go, kid. If ya don't have a Mom the least you can do is tell us where dear old Dad is."

Romilly clung to Michael tightly with one hand while the other fidgeted with his yellow bow tie.

"He left. Said I was a monster and left me there."

Everything ceased then and expressions softened from annoyance, irritation and confusion to pity and compassion.

"Your father just abandoned you in a car park?" Tahani couldn't believe it, her parents had been awful but they'd never have just left her. "Sweetheart, is that why you lied to the officer?"

Romilly nodded. "Daddy always yells at me." No one could quite believe that she didn't cry, her only sign of discomfort was her grip on Michael. "Says I'm not normal. That Mommy was a monster and so am I. That Mommy lied to him."

Eleanor started to see the oddness Michael had talked about, whether it was a 'nice' oddness or just a bloody weird and might try to kill them oddness remained to be seen. She could see that Tahani and Chidi had been sucked into the story while Janet stood back observing as always and Jason stared up at the sky possibly watching birds. Eleanor didn't know what to make of the whole situation.

"I thought you said your Mom was dead."

"Actually," began Janet with a smile "she only stated that she didn't have a mother. Romilly never claimed her mother to be dead, Eleanor."

"Hey, you're basically an Alexa, why don't you know who the hell she is and where she came from? Shouldn't you have her address and a list of ancestors by now?" Huffed the blonde.

Janet's face grew confused. "I nave no information on her. It's clear she wasn't born after myself and Michael arrived, if she had she'd still be a baby. This doesn't make sense, I know everything about everything and everyone. I don't know her." Janet looked over to the little girl. "Romilly, what is your real surname? And what is your father's name?"

"Matherson. And his name is Daniel." She answered easily.

Janet thought for a moment. "No, I have no information at all on a Romilly Matherson. However, I know Daniel Matherson is thirty-seven, was born in Kansas City on November third and lives just over nine miles from here."

"No, I figured it out!"

The gang – save for Janet – jumped at Michael's sudden exclamation. He looked so pleased with himself, like he'd just cracked the enigma machine or solved world hunger.

"Figured what out?" Sighed Eleanor.

The demon turned to Janet. "Hey, Janet, do you remember little over a half decade ago when The Bad place went through all that scandal?"

"Yes. I remember everything, Michael."

"Scandal?" Tahani raised an eyebrow. "What could The Bad Place constitute as a scandal?"

"Oh well, one of our demons quit and left The Bad Place. She hijacked a Bad Janet, ran off to the judge and forced her to let her go to Earth."

"How the hell did a demon make that woman do anything? All you and Janet ever say about the bitch is she does as she pleases and doesn't get out much."

Michael shrugged. "She threatened to destroy the judge's signed Mark Harmon poster."

"Damn, that woman is weird." Muttered the blonde.

Everyone watched as shifted Romilly in his arms so he could get a better look at her, he peered into her green eyes, squeezed her hands and then set her on her feet so he could see the scraped from earlier when she'd fallen; there weren't any.

"Would you two _please_ tell us what you're talking about?" Begged Chidi.

"Romilly, what was your mother's name?" Asked Michael with an expression somewhere between excitement and a complete lack of understanding.

"Jenna."

"Demon buddy, that don't prove anything."

"Actually it does." There was Janet's smile and cheery voice again. "The demon that quit and fled to Earth was named Jenna."

"Hang on, hang on. It's way too hot and my hair really isn't doing well, so forgive me if I've gotten this all mixed up. Michael, are you trying to tell us you believe this delightful little girl to be a demon?"

Michael nodded then gestured loosely at nothing. "Well, half demon. But it makes sense. Not even a Janet has known anything about Jenna since she left so it stands to reason that if she had a child they wouldn't know. Romilly fell earlier but she's not got so much as a scratch and – probably most obvious – she doesn't act like a human child."

"Isn't a demon having a kid with a human kind of like bestiality?"

"Wouldn't banging Sam the Eagle be?" The demon shot back.

"Touché."

"Guys, does this mean we can keep her?"

The gang sighed.

"Not you too, Jason. How many times do I have to tell you all, this is kidnapping, half demon or not."

"Dude, her Dad doesn't want her, so it's more like adoption."

"Never thought I'd say it, but Jason has a point."

Romilly reached up to take Michael's large hand in her own. She really didn't seem to care about her father being gone or the fact she'd only just met these strangers. Maybe Michael was right.

"Can I stay?" She asked in a voice that even Eleanor had to admit was cute. "I like being with Michael."

The white-haired demon grinned. "See! All those for keeping the half demon raise your hand."

"You can't just put it to a vote-" Chidi fell silent when Romilly, Michael, Jason, Janet and even Eleanor put their hands up. "Really, Eleanor?"

"Chidi, I don't like it either but if she's a demon then her Dad knows and he's just gonna toss her out again. It's the moral thing to do, I know it's not legal but I'm trying to do what we agreed and help people."

Tahani's hand went up. "I have to agree. She's just a child. Michael and Janet might be the only people with any idea how to care for a... _hybrid_."

Chidi deflated, they were right. "Alright."

Jason let out a gleeful yelp and dropped to his knees before the child.

"Oh yeah! I'm gonna be your Uncle Jason and I'm gonna teach you how to dance and it's gonna be dope!"

"Welcome to Team Cockroak, kid."


End file.
